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2005-2006. Drama factor: 2 (mostly the fun kind!) Astrid and I met in '05 and became casual but intentional lovers. Both of us continued and began sexual connections with other partners during this first year we were dating. Astrid was involved with Kiley, Jesse, and Bren when I met her, and I had a few casual hook-ups with my friend Rita and with a random woman I met on Craigslist. I imagined Astrid to be sleeping with, like, "everyone," and I'm not sure why I harbored this fantasy. Probably 'cause I found her to be so unbefuckinglievably desirable, and couldn't figure out what she was doing with lil old me in these first few months. I was pretty fresh off of my break up with N., and feeling shaky about what I had to offer, as well as emotionally raw. But as I healed and got some equilibrium, and as Astrid and I grew more intimate, I felt much more confidence and really hit a stride with my polyosity. Astrid dated Cian in the fall, and Dax and I met around that same time and fell into a yummy, loving dating relationship. Though this was hard to navigate at times, I felt really good about being able to express my feelings with each of them and I was even able to balance my time in a sane way (read: this was before I started grad school!) So, for several months, I was dating both Dax and Astrid, as A and I gradually became more committed to each other, in as open and unconventional a way as we could. Eventually, Dax fell in love with her new partners, Boi & Boy, and she decided to become polyfidelitous with them. High point: Sexual freedom, developing intimacy with both Astrid and Dax, and authentic and honest sexual connections with shorter-term partners. Low point: Figuring out how to facilitate as safe a space as possible for both Astrid and Dax to be in my life in their different roles. I can't say that I handled this as elegantly as I should have, but this was nowhere near the totally unethical ways I handled nonmonogamy in past relationships (See the Bianca Bramble, ten years previous.)
Drama factor: 1. In '06 and '07, things calmed down as Astrid and I navigated changes in our relationship. In '06 we became girlfriends and I started grad school, and we began living together in '07. I smooched a couple women (a make-out at the Lex and subsequent awkward date; a kiss with my coworker Shareen on the eve of her return to living in the Midwest.) So, nothing too involved. I'm not 100% sure, but I don't think Astrid had any action going on during this period either. My crushes on various people flourished during this time (some of you know who you are). High point: Being with Astrid just fucking rocks. Low point: Not really a "low" point, but it can be difficult to negotiate my desire for being with multiple people even if I'm not actively involved with anyone other than my partner. Sometimes I'm perfectly content, sometimes I feel angsty, and there are a whole range of other associated feelings at any given time. Mostly, I was just really happy in my primary relationship and very busy with school.
2007-2008. Drama factor: 3. No other involvements for either of us throughout 2007, and then toward the end of '08, Astrid and I had a visit from an old lover of hers, Elle, which provided a really complex and beautiful experience for us to navigate together. Then not long after that, I hung out with a friend of mine on whom I've had the hots for a long while, the beautiful and bawdy Calista. We had a few drinks at various local haunts, and then, once she figured out I was attempting to make a pass (I'm really not subtle, and neither is she, thankfully) she reeled me in for a lusty little kiss on the corner of 24th and Mission. She put the kabosh on anything more happening, due to her own relationship concerns, but I will go on record as saying "Mee-ow!" Both because of the specific interaction with Calista, and the more general state of my polyness and not having had another involvement outside Astrid and I in a couple years, it felt really vibrant and alive to be able to play with that sort of energy with another person again. It was fun stuff. More please! Anyone? Bueller?Fin
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