Malaise

I really wish it'd stop raining. I don't mind it when I can stay inside and sip a hot beverage, but I gotta get out there in the world. I gotta go to work (what little of it I have) and walk the doggie, who is, for her part, in a seemingly similar malaise. She hates the rain; she's so skittish, poking her nose out the door, looking up at me with those puppy eyes. She's resigned to spread out in front of the heater and sleep the day away, though I know she'd rather be out at the dog park wrestling and running around.

Money just keeps sucking and sucking, and it's sucked about as much as possible at this point. Astrid and I are both maxed out on our credit cards. I really don't know where the rent is gonna come from next month, short of asking my family for it, which I so very dearly do not want to do. I recognize that I have the privilege of having a family that loves me and a few members of the family who can help me at times like these, but the asking is still awful. I'm 37. I should be making a living for myself. External factors (the economy, just starting out in private practice, the paucity of therapy internships that pay) aside, I just feel so ineffectual and weak. I am getting new clients, and I'm projecting that I will actually net some money next month for the first time, which is wonderful. It's hard to hold the positive feelings, though, when "netting" will mean bringing home a few hundred dollars in February. It's not enough.