It's weirdly alienating to be a queer progressive in California today. I want to be happy about Obama's victory, about the American electorate sending a clear mandate to separate ourselves from the last eight years of endless and causeless warfare and the stripping away of civil rights and human needs programs that has gone along with it. And while I voted not for Obama, but for Green candidate Cynthia McKinney from my safe 24% margin state of California, I was still thrilled that Obama trounced McCain, and that the Democrats, for whom I harbor quite a lot of criticism, swept into an easy majority in the House and Senate.
But my momentary (if ambivalent) euphoria quickly dissolved into grief as I watched the returns come in from my Golden State and began to grapple with the passage of Proposition 8.
Over 5 million of my fellow Californians just told me that my relationship isn't as valid as theirs. That I am a second-class citizen. Even for a person like me, an out queer woman who is loved and supported by her family, who is proud to be part of the vital, brilliant LGBT subculture, who feels secure with herself and her sexuality, even for me, I feel shame. What is perhaps most profound for me as I try to understand my own reaction to this vote is that, even as someone who is critical of marriage as an institution, who has no interest in getting married, the passage of Prop 8 feels incredibly personal: I am wrong, my love is wrong, I am less than. And if this is impacting me so strongly, how is this decision affecting LBGT folks out there who already live with the daily fears and shame of being in the closet, of feeling unsafe in their communities, who have been turned out by their families? To illustrate this indignity further, while Californians voted to take my civil rights away on Tuesday, they handily expanded the rights of chickens. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for the chickens, I really am.
But I'm feeling on the outside of things: outside as a queer mourning the loss of my civil rights. Robbed of my excitement about the changing of the guard in the White House and in Congress. I'm sorry I can't join everyone out there in your joy and celebration about Obama. The bitter is winning out over the sweet.
5 comments:
I share your sorrow and shame and I identify as mostly hetero. To me, this is a case of the tyranny of the majority.
I have no problem with people who think it is wrong to be gay, or wrong for gay people to be married. Those people should go ahead and be straight, and not marry anyone of the same gender. - "Against gay marriage? Don't have one."
But for them to think that they have the right to impose their beliefs on others. It is so un-American.
What is next? If you are not Christian you can't get married?
I think today I am more angry than sorrowful.
I hope this diversion on the march towards freedom is only temporary.
Alex
Change seems agonizingly slow during our lifetime, but looking at the "big picture", real progress has still been made.
In just 1866 US slavery was abolished and now a minority is in the White House. I saw Detroit after the race riots in 1967. Even the IDEA of a non-white president was absurd then.
When you remember that some gays did marry during an 8 year Republican term, historically, that was momentous. Humans are just taking their one step backwards now.
If you think about what a short time ago that everyone had to hide in the closet, it is moving forward. I truly believe that one day you'll have the option of walking down the aisle, or not, as you choose.
My friend Meredith (maradydd on LJ) has posted some good things about Prop 8. Next steps, political history, and so on.
I feel heartened by the fact that it was very, very close. And that the ACLU is already on the case.
When I was in elementary school animal rights activists had age-appropriate material regarding puppy mills, factory farms, and animal testing. But just today California passed Prop 2.
It wasn't til college that I got any sort of non-homophobic education on gay rights.
So, yeah, fucked up to know that animal rights are leading gay rights -- but it got it's start more than 100 years ahead of gay rights activism. The SPCA was founded in England in 1824, specifically to address farm animal abuse. Poor Alan Turing was essentially executed for his homosexuality in 1954 in England.
While it doesn't sound cheering to know that historical humans have put livestock over their gay counterparts, I think it is cheering to know that the gay rights movement, once started, completed much more ground in much less time.
I hope that didn't sound lame and/or offensive. If it did, forgive me, I am not sober. :)
I am totally with you. And while I think the idea of the repeals and the lawsuits are great (god love Gloria Allred), nothing is going to repeal the fact that a majority of California voters made that choice on Tuesday.
I was at the march last night and I will say that it lifted my spirits some.
As a married woman living in an affluent suburb of San Francisco, I'm as disheartened as you. Really. I'm trying to keep it all in perspective and look at the big picture, but the fact that so many of the soccer moms I'm hanging out with at school drop-off were out staking their Yes on 8 signs into the ground for the past month just sickens me. Let's just say I've had some interesting conversations recently.
Anyway, I'm ashamed of California and sorry that this hurts you so deeply. I share your feelings 100%.
Lots of love,
Julie
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